Tutor Gal

Happy New Year!

This year, I ask all adults to remember that they are constant models for kids who are all around us.  Just before the winter holidays a student gave me a handwritten poem as a gift.  In this poem he describes the type of teacher that I am to him.  He explains how I do not stand in front of the kids at talk at them, but rather that I talk with them.

This student crafted a poem about me and highlighted one of the most important aspects of my teaching philosophy.  I never want the kids to think that since I am older and the teacher that I know all.  I want the students to learn in a collaborative environment where they understand that team work, active listening and compromise are essential elements to success.  But, the best way to cultivate that environment is for the perceived leader of the classroom to model it.  Heck, at least I am doing something right!

He further states that he catches me reading novels at my desk which makes him smile.

Yes, it is true.  I enjoy reading and if I am caught up in a novel I may try to sneak in some reading during the work day.  We always tell our students that reading is essential, what better way to model that then having them “catch” the teacher reading.  If my students can see that I am regularly reading different books throughout the year – just for fun – then, again, I am modeling the appropriate behaviors.

Our kids are around us all the time – not just in school.  When we use that word, or make that face, or engage in that action, think about what our  kids will get from it.

tutor gal.

Today, I am thinking about one of my students.  I am fairly certain he has a language-based learning disability.  I watch him lack organizational skills, act impetuously, forget assignments, forget to complete work correctly, and forget to follow up on 1:1 meetings with me or the learning specialist. Above all, I can see the shame in his face when he realizes he has done something wrong.

This boy is a charming, respectful, loving young boy.  I can just picture the young man he will become.  His social/emotional skills and awareness are his obvious strengths.  His oral expression is, also, strong. It’s his written work and his memory that suffers.  He has even said that “things slip out of his mind.”

This young boy continues to state that he tries to remember everything and that he tries to work as hard as he can  - trying to write to the best of his abilities, hoping to make his parents proud.  However, it does not happen and he becomes deflated from the constant frustration his parents feels, so he just feels that he is in a  hopeless situation and stops caring (although deep inside all he does is care).

I have been thinking about this.  Academically, this boy is not strong in the typical definition of the word; however, if you look for strengths in this boy you will find many.  This boy will be okay – I am confident of that, for he will find his niche and it will be something where he can use his social and oral strengths to benefit him.  But, I am most concerned about is his sense of hopelessness and the fact that he acts like he does not care, but really does.

Parents, teachers,  adults, EVERYONE….please hear me out.  Remember, this simple fact.  Kids want to succeed.  They want to do well and they want to do things correctly.  They want the adults in their lives to acknowledge their hard efforts and good quality work.  They want to do well, they want to be empowered and  one way that they feel empowered is when they succeed.

The next time you think of a kid who is struggling for whatsoever reason, before you reprimand her, lose your cool, act agitated, or give up, remember this, and find a way to realize that in some ways, any way, she has succeeded to some capacity.  If you can’t find any success, applaud the process and assist her in the calmest way you know possible, acknowledging the fact that the task may have been difficult for her; further, help by providing a strategy that may help elicit a more favorable outcome in the future.

This one is for all my students, past, present and future.

tutor gal.

I have been watching this young girl in my class since the beginning of the school year.  One could label her as “chatty” or “lazy.” However, educators know better.  They know to dig deeper and find the real crux of the problem.  I kept my mouth shut and watched – observed her behaviors both in class and out. After listening to what another colleague said to me about the girl from her experiences in the past, I knew my assumptions were right – the girl lacked confidence and thought her friends were “better” or “smarter” than her.

Today, she did not hand in her assignment.  This was my way in.  I pulled her aside and simply said, ” I know you are a very smart girl.  You can do all of this and more on your own.  I want you to start to believe in yourself.  I am going to help you.  You will hear me saying this to you often, because I believe in you.  I expect to have the assignment completed to the degree that makes you proud to have your name on it tomorrow.”

She smiled and promised the assignment would be in.  I know my fight is not over.  She does not believe the words yet, for they are just words.  I will work this year to mold those words into her character; to make her truly believe and see what I  (and others) see. I will applaud her intelligence and her efforts, and in due time she will begin to believe.  It is a process that longs for simplicity and rebuffs sophistication, for all this girl needs to see is that I stand by my words and speak from a place of truth.  A simple encouragement filled with honesty.

tutor gal.

Today was the first day of school.  There are always a whirlwind of emotions from both adults and students on this day.  As a teacher, the build up to this day always causes some stress and anxiety.  Typically, educators are in the school at least a week before school starts for meetings and preparation.  This time is without the children.

On Friday, I left the building tired, anxious, and frustrated because so many things were still incomplete. (How was it all going to get done?!)  In fact, when I returned on Tuesday for the final day of preparations before the students arrived, I was in school until about 8 PM finishing up everything.  At some point on Tuesday, a colleague reminded me that everything would be okay when the kids arrived and the adrenaline would help make everything come together.

Wednesday comes, the kids arrive.  I am working with the kids.  It feels great.  The adrenaline is kicking in, and things are all coming into place – as they always do.  It feels wonderful.  I feel light, ebullient, full of life.  At one point, I stop to take it all in – the kids, the classroom, me, all of us together – and I realize my heart is full.  The joy and happiness within me is enveloping and taking over me.  I am with my kids, my new 2011-2012 family, and there is no other feeling of bliss that can even compare.  I feel complete again.

tutor gal.

The new year is almost here, and I am in a conundrum.  With my 6th grade homeroom class, I typically work on community/team building activities the first week of school.  We emphasize different types of communities within one school, and stress that my 6th grade homeroom is one of the different types of community.  We focus on the roles and responsibilities of our homeroom community.  At the end of the week, I typically bring in one of those very, very large Hershey’s bar where we each break off pieces of chocolate to enjoy; symbolizing that when communities work together they reap the benefits together!  The kids love to share the candy and they love the message.

However, I just found out about the exploitation of children through Hershey’s Chocolate Company.  Not happy about it all.  They pretty much have exploited students from around the world to  come to the US under the rouge of having a summer abroad.  However, they have been forced to work long hours at the factory for around  $8  an hour with no stipend for room or board.  I don’t have all the details, but I am most certainly not going to support a company who is not building community.  Thankfully, the students have walked out and started protesting (See change.org to sign a petition and acquire more information.)

I am looking for another alternative.  However, have not found much.  I think this year, my students will hear about my conundrum and we may be writing stern letters to the company as our initial community building wrap up activity.

tutor gal.

She has been working with the 3rd grade student for about 6 months.  They work together once a week on reading and math skills.  At first, the student was obstinate, challenging everything the tutor said.  As time went by, a relationship developed and trust was formed.  The student began to believe in the tutorial sessions and worked diligently with the tutor.  At the beginning, the student lacked confidence in herself and would give up on the first attempt.  She would constantly put herself down and in effect her work suffered.  She had minimal passion and excitement for school and the work she was completing.

Just yesterday, as the tutor and student were working together, the student interrupted the session with some positive news.  She said with zest,” On my last report card I got a C- in math.  But, on this report card, since you have been here, I received a B- in math.  Next year I am going for the A.”

A complete turn in the right direction.

tutor gal.

We have been talking about the journeys we hope to take in life and all the the work, motivation, and learning that comes prior to the final accomplishment.  I want my 6th grade students to reflect on their actions and motivations and set aspirations of who they want to be in the future – both immediate and distant.  I also want the kids to reflect on the lessons they have learned this year and critically analyze how they will use them in the future.  Essentially, I want them to find a way to better themselves and dream big.

As a precursor to a larger activity, the 6th grade students were asked to share a quest that they will take in their lives and what they hope to accomplish.  I was touched by their dreams and their honesty.  I am so lucky to be able to work with kids who are still kids – not jaded by the troubles of the world and full of hope, optimism, and ambition.   It just reminded me that, we, as adults should find a moment in our busy days to reconnect with our hopes, ambitions, and aim to be a better version of ourselves tomorrow.

My students quests:

1.  I would like to become a diplomat just like my father.

2.  I would like to work in the movie industry.  I don’t want to be an actor.  I want to create  movies based on books that I read as a child.

3.  I want to be the first person in my family to get a Ph.D in computer ethics.

4.  I want to be an author of a series of books.

5.  I want to be an inventor of electronics.

6.  I want to learn to speak German.

7. I want to go underwater in an underwater cage and look at and study sharks and other sea animals.

8.  I want to be a fashion designer and travel the world.  I want a job that I love to go to.

9.  I want to be a professional performer and be on Broadway.

10.  I want to become a writer for a magazine and travel the world.  When I moved back to the states, I want to live in a huge city, because I don’t like suburbia.

11.  I want to be President of Pakistan and improve the lives of the Pakistani people.

12.  I want to play professional basketball.  If that does not work out, I want to be a sports reporter that writes for blogs.

13.  I want to be a fashion designer and be an inspiration for others.

14.  I want to drive a car.

15.  I want to be a fashion designer and own a line of shops.  I want to make my parents proud.

16. I want to build free buildings for the homeless and unemployed to live in.

17.  I want to be an asthma specialist and help others who suffer from asthma or find a cure for the disease.

18.  I want to go on a nature hike with my future family.

19.  I want to do something I won’t forget and help others.

20.  I want to be a photographer.

21.  I want to be a successful business man like my dad and be able to provide for my family like him.

22.  I want to be an entertainer.

What is your quest in life?

tutor gal.

Picture taken by Rashid Photograpy

The girl was crushed.  A dear friend of hers did something that she never thought anyone could do.  The lines of trust had been broken.  She did not know  how she could be her friend anymore.  She pondered, “How would a friend of mine do something so despicable?  How can I be her friend anymore?  How did I ever have a friend like this?”

The teacher encouraged forgiveness, discussed the nature of mistakes and the fact that all humans make them.  The teacher asked for the students to reflect on their own actions and find times in their lives when mistakes, big mistakes, were made by them.

The girl tried. She understood the idea  “everyone makes mistakes.”  But, she did not want to associate herself with a girl who made mistakes like that.  She knew the teacher was encouraging forgiveness, but to her the error made by her friend was clear as day – it was wrong and intolerable.  She felt it would be unwise and not like her character to be her friend.  Her face could not hide the pain.

The teacher, asking for forgiveness, noticed the pain.  Her heart broke for the young girl, for she understood how she must have been feeling.  Although the teacher was encouraging a second chance, she knew how hard it would have been for her to extend that olive branch.

The teacher and the young girl speak.  The girl openly shares her frustrations.  The teacher patiently  listens, and listens, and listens until the girl has no more to say.  Then the teacher simply consoles her and says that she understands.  She tells the girl that she is more like her than she realizes.  She tells the girl that all she is asking her to do is act kindly towards the girl; the choice of continuing a friendship was up to her.  However, the teacher emphasizes that whatever the girl decides to do, she must learn to relinquish the anger she has, for the anger is only hurting herself.

The teacher, so like that young girl, reminisces about the many conversations she has had with her mom.  Her mom, a wise woman, would share the same exact sentiments and advice.  The teacher echos the words to someone who would benefit from it.  At that moment the teachers realizes she learned a valuable lesson from her mother; a lesson she still works on achieving.

tutor gal.

The news is out.  Osama Bin Laden is dead.  It took ten years, but he has been found and has been punished for his crimes.  Or, so we think.  As an American, I can’t help but feel a sense of joy and redemption that the leader of Al Qaeda has been killed for the horrific crimes he set forth on my homeland.  However, as an educator, I am very careful to ramble about my opinions, especially to my students.

There definitely was a buzz in the air as the children entered the middle school today.  You could hear all levels of conversation, central to Bin Laden.  I heard comments like, ” I can’t believe Bin Laden is dead.  It is about time. ” or “My mom told me that someone is dead.  I  forgot his name.” or “Well, this definitely seals the 2012 election for Obama.”  All levels of sophisticated comments were heard.  However, there is one comment that will stay with me for a very long time.  One girl, one brave girl, stood up to her friends who were rejoicing in my homeroom and clearly stated that she felt uncomfortable celebrating someone’s death.  She said, “It was a life, after all, and we as Americans killed it.”

As the kids tried to make meaning of what she just said, they began to counter her comment.  I, in fact, wanted to jump in and say, “But this IS Osama Bin Laden.”  However, I refrained.  This is because in some ways, in many ways, I agree with her, and she is right.  I question what resolve we achieved by killing him?  Are we any safer after his death?  Will his death bring back the minute before the planes hit the towers?  Will it bring back our sense of security and our naivety that America “is always safe.”  Will it bring back the loved ones that we lost on that day?  The answer to all of these questions is no.

In fact, the only thing we have accomplished, is to simply kill Osama Bin Laden.  Sure, redemption feels good, but are we at a better place now then we were yesterday at this time?

As educators, we constantly teach our kids that two wrongs don’t make a right.  We also teach our kids to think before they act (or react).  We also state fighting is not the answer.

As far as I am concerned, this young girl, a true pacifist at heart, has learned the lesson well.  Her comments are well-warranted and make you think.  If you ponder her words, and take emotion out of it, she is right – plain and simple.  In fact, last night as I was watching the news (groundbreaking news) I saw Americans chanting, “U.S.A” and rejoicing and cheering into cameras.  That brought me back to what we saw on 9/11.  I saw the same thing.  People from “over there” cheering and praising Allah for the devastation imposed on us.  Hmmm….in some ways, it all looks the same.  Put the volume on mute, take away your feelings and judgements of right vs. wrong, and then watch.  It looks the same.

At this time we,as adults, are so emotionally charged.  I am too.  Victory is good and feels so sweet.  But, what have we won?  It seems to me this young girl gets it at such a sophisticated level.  Her ethical and moral code are admirable.  Her reasoning skills and ability to understand consequences of actions are much better than many adults.  Food for thought.

tutor gal.

There once was a shy and quiet girl.  Despite her difficulty in writing and generating ideas, her teacher knew that she was extremely intelligent.  Smaller than the rest of her peers, she hid behind the height of  the crowd or her long, black mane.  At the beginning of the year, a peep was rarely heard from her.  She busied herself during recess and free time not to call attention to her feelings of loneliness.

The counselor helped her spark some interests through technology and other games.  Soon a friendship amongst her and another girl blossomed as they shared their common interests.   The friendship grew throughout the school year and now the pair of friends had become a trio.  The quiet girl, still shy in class (especially during writing), pushed herself a bit more.  Participating in class discussions, trying to brainstorm ideas, and sharing some feedback with her classmates, were just some of the changes the teacher noted.

One day, the counselor popped into the teacher’s room.  She mentioned that the three girls had come to her and thanked her for allowing them to become friends.  The girls shared it had changed their lives.

The counselor and teacher smiled. The girls  continue to laugh day after day……

tutor gal.